Happy New Year! Wow, 2013, I'm always amazed at how fast time flies by! I've realized in the last few years that time flies by even faster when I worry about people, places, and things that I don't have control over. I strive to let that worry go and stop wasting my energy and precise time wallowing in that worry. Old rutted habits and behaviors are difficult to change even with all the willingness in the world. It's not impossible, but difficult. That old sneaky feeling of worry has climbed to the surface in the last few days. When worry tries to take over my every thought, I start to second guess myself. I start to analyze every thing I do and wonder if every decision I make is going to loop back around to bite me in the butt. It's a nasty spiral that always takes me into a scary place I never wanted to return.
I've experience the serenity and balance that letting go of worry brings to me. However, a seemly harmless event occurring to someone else can toss me right back into the bottom of that well! I become hesitate and find myself taking a few steps backwards in an attempt to try to avoid the unknown. Basically that's what I worry about; what am I not aware of or didn't think could be a possible outcome to the decision that was made? Making one simple decision could have a complex domino affect that I didn't even realize. This recent event that occurred, I never would of known about unless an individual told me. It stirred up some old concerns that I thought I had let go. Or it's simply the new me looking out for myself and re-evaluating certain things in my life? Or is denial a big piece of this? Not sure where this thought process is going, but I obviously need to pray and mediate about it a bit more. I have the tools to work through this reality in my life and find a path that will feel safe and provide serenity to me. More will be revealed.
"Daily vigilance will turn out to be a small price to pay for my peace of mind." ~CtoC
Other than the small worry sessions, it really has been a wonderful start to the new year! I'm learning to make the best of different situations. I'm putting into action more spontaneity, which I'm really enjoying! When plans change suddenly with H, I use the opportunity to call a dear friend and make plans to get together. I try not to give myself time to sit and be upset. Other times, I just stay home and savory the alone time to get some projects done around the house.
I hope your new year has started off well. Have a wonderful day!
Daily vigilance...works for so many things!
ReplyDeleteI hope the right path reveals itself :)
Thanks for your comment on my blog (and my new one)!
Right now we have a situation going on where I have to use all the tools I have ever learned in the program. It has been very hard and I am can't wait until Tuesday so I can get to my meeting. If it weren't for the program I would be in an unravelled mess.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are having a good start to the new year. Daily vigilance, yes, I know that well! It is easy to get pulled back into behaviors that were so common place. It's nice to know we have choices now.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow "Champion Worrier" (I have trophies from the Worry Olympics, honest!) I have to smile at "worrying about falling into the trap of worrying." It's seemingly always there, isn't it, that slippery edged hole. I did some journaling in the wee hours of this morning and was both interested and a little disheartened to read some of the same worries and woes from pages past that I wrote out today. But the last thing I wrote today was that if I can at least _notice_ I am doing it when I do, there's the possibility of change.
ReplyDeleteThanks, as always, for sharing your struggles and hope. Its so nice to know we're connected.
I don't worry much anymore. I'm kind of dulled to it--and I truly believe that things will go as they are supposed to. Hope that you have a good year, one day at a time!
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