Day 15: Memories

Again, I feel a loss for words these past few days, so I'd like to share from the Courage to Change page 190,

"I remember, as a child, climbing trees to better observe a nest of baby birds, and lying on my back wondering what it would be like to fall into a sky full of clouds. I still have deeply spiritual feelings when I am out in nature, and today I think I know why.

One of Al-Anon's basic principles is living "One Day at a Time," and nature surrounds me with wonderful role models.

Trees don't sit around ans worry about forest fires. The water in the pond doesn't fret over turbulence it encountered a few miles upstream. And I have never seen a butterfly pry into the affairs of its fellows. All of creation is going about the business of living. If I keep my eyes open, I can learn to do the same.

Today's Reminder: 

A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world full of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom.

'I discovered the secret of the sea in meditation upon a dewdrop.' Kahlil Gibran"

I have many wonderful memories from my childhood and growing up. Nature and animals have been an important part of my life and fill many of my happy memories through out my life. This reading really spoke to me. The days I can live in the moment and appreciate the beauty around me, are the good days. Keeping it simple.

The photo above is me, as a kid, spending an evening with my family as we watched a television program. My dog, Sarah and cat, Target, were always wonderful snuggle companions.  Although neither are in my life today, they both hold a special place in my heart that always makes me smile.

How Important Is It?

I'll be honest, this week has been tough at work as we move our office location and work to get settled into our new space. In this new environment with sort of new people, my old character defects really want to come out and play when it's stressful and sort of feels like walking around with potential land mines ready to go off at any minute. Before I re-act, I have to pull myself back and ask myself, "How important is it?" Is it worth it to react to unacceptable behavior by another person that will jeopardize my serenity? The answer is obviously, NO! I've just had to focus on being in the moment and not reacting to someone else's "stuff." Today, I'm choosing to let them own their own stuff and I'll own mine.

I'm a little shaky on my feet today, but grateful I made it to a new meeting I've never been too before. The beauty is I still saw some familiar faces and new ones that helped lift my heart and spirit.

I'm exhausted and I don't have a lot to share right now, so I'd like to share a reading from Courage to Change that really helped me stay centered and slightly more balanced than I would of otherwise been today.

"I used to feel very hurt if anyone gave me an angry look, spoke in a harsh tone, or didn't speak at all. I've grown enough in Al-Anon to realize that the look, tone, or mood of another person toward me often has nothing to do with me. It generally has more to do with what is going on inside the other person.

So why do my feelings still get hurt? It occurs to me that my extreme sensitivity is a from of conceit - I think I am the focus of everyone's actions. Am I so important that everything that goes on around me must have something to do with me? I suspect that attitude reflects my vanity instead of reality. And vanity is simply a defect of character that I am working on changing.

With Al-Anon's help, my sensitivity to all that happens around me has greatly lessened. I try to ask myself, "How important is it?" When I do carry the hurt, it only hurts and controls me.

Today's Reminder:
Other people are important to me, and sometimes their opinions matter, but I may be taking something personally that has nothing to do with me. Having opinions of my own about myself lets me accept other people's thoughts without being controlled by them.

'It was through going to meetings and the daily readings of Al-Anon literature that I awakened to the fact that what other people did and said reflected on them; what I did and said reflected on me.' Living with Sobriety"

Day 14: Leaves

I'm fascinated with this Shamrock. It closes it's leaves at night and reopens when the sun comes up! What a beautiful sight! This is natural for the Shamrock to survive. I know my survival mode went through phases depending on the situation. I fell victim to isolation and loneliness many times. Thankfully Al-Anon provided tools that worked for me to help build a bridge using detachment and allowed me to have compassion and love for my loved one with the disease of alcoholism. Having the tools to not only build that healthy bridge, but the courage to use the bridge to find my serenity and to put life back into my spirit that doesn't exist when isolation and loneliness creep into my life.  

"Detachment is not isolation, nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall; it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon may begin a new approach to life and relationships generally." Al-Anon: Family Treatment Tool in Alcoholism

 

Day 13: Clouds

I'm not sure if you have noticed, but I have an admiration for our skies, particularly when clouds are present.

"I may not have everything I want, but today I have everything I need. I will look for evidence of abundance and let it remind me that my Higher Power's love is broad enough to touch all who have the courage to place themselves in its presence." Courage to Change

Everyday is Memorial Day

There have been many stories and remembrances shared today of friends and families that have served. I don't have any specific stories to share. However, I do have this to share. H was going to make the military his career, until he was injured and was forced to become a civilian again. My Dad also served in the military for a short time. I also have many dear friends that have served and are serving today. I'm grateful for each and everyone one of them. I'm also grateful and humbled by each and every person that serves in the name of our country. I feel everyday should be a day to remember those that have made sacrifices that are beyond my comprehension. I will always remember and honor those that have made the ultimate sacrifice with their life and those that physically survived, but made the sacrifice of their spiritual well being. That piece hits close to home, as I know H feels that pain and sorrow.

Several years ago I had the wonderful opportunity to visit Washington D.C. for work. I had a few days to myself and I walked many miles to see as many memorials and museums as I could. I even had the honor to visit the Arlington National Cemetery. I'm grateful for the chance to visit and honor those fallen soldiers. It was a humbling and emotional experience.

The Ultimate Sacrifice:
A Memorial Day Poem
We set aside Memorial Day
Each and every year
To honor those who gave their lives
Defending what we hold dear. In all the dark and deadly wars,
Their graves prove and remind us,
Our brave Americans gave their all
To put danger far behind us. They made the ultimate sacrifice
Fighting for the American way;
We admire them and respect them
On every Memorial Day.
By Joanna Fuchs

 

Day 12: Sunset Sky

There is endless beauty in our sky, I just have to remember to keep my chin up!

HP, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Day 11: Nature

Yesterday the temperature was below normal, so we were enjoying gorgeous low 70's in the morning and low 80's later in the day. Absolutely amazing for this time of year! So my parents, two very good friends of ours, and myself took advantage of this beautiful weather. We went for a hike in one of the local state parks right in the middle of the city. We always have a good time during our hikes; we always joke and laugh, while never giving up an opportunity to appreciate the beauty around us. Hiking an intense incline while laughing is quite the workout! Also I was having fun with my camera settings. I have grown quite fond of the "pop art" setting! It really helps bring out the muted color of the desert, especially this time of year. In fact, there are a few duplicate photos one with the regular setting and one with the "pop art" to show the contrast. The desert is soooooo dry right now. I still find it extremely beautiful, but just a little muted right now.

Saguaro, Palo Verde, and our beautiful blue skies!

Barrel Cactus surviving in harsh conditions!

You can see the city in the background and all the smoke in the air from all the wildfires in our state.

We had a wonderful hike! Everyone was good and had their handy dandy hiking sticks. I love geology, it was one of my favorite classes through school. Our hikes always inspire me to bone up on my geology skills.

This is the same photo as above, just with the "drawing" setting on my camera. It's a quick way to do a pencil sketch!

Beautiful with the regular setting

Enhanced with the "pop art" setting

Saguaro framed with an Ocotillo

And with the "pop art" filter... Much better!

Silly looking Barrel Cactus - they are VERY thirsty...

"The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have." - Norman Vincent Peale

We have a late bloomer...

"Serenity is not Freedom from the Storm - it is Peace Amidst the Storm." unknown 

Bird making a nest... lots of wildlife out, just wasn't able to catch anyone else in a photo.

Some Lichen on the rocks... they are still blooming as well

"Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions." - Gerald Jampolsky

Monkey Business

Last month I mentioned I finished sewing a blanket for a friend. Well we gave her the blanket this past week, so now I can share a photo of the end result. I'm really happy with how it turned out. Isn't she adorable!

My Mom and I were playing with her embroidery machine! The options are unlimited! We also embroidery my friend's baby's name and baby "stats" on the back to personalize it. 

Day 10: Garden

Okra plant surrounded by lettuce

Jalapenos love the hot weather

Chocolate mint makes a quick yummy treat!

I love my garden! I'm grateful for the opportunity to get my hands dirty and watch my hard work blossom. It is very rewarding and helps me maintain my serenity.

Day 9: Light

I took this photo on a cruise in the Mexican Rivera. This photo came to mind when I thought of light. The weather and sky on the entire cruise was breath taking!

Not necessarily in the light theme, but another one of my favorites from that same cruise. I'm positive I've mentioned I LOVE reflection photos!


I came across a poem that I'd like to share.

Peace, Faith, Love and Hope.

The Four Candles, Author Unknown

The Four Candles burned slowly.
Their Ambiance was so soft you
could hear them speak...

The first candle said, "I Am Peace, but these days, nobody
wants to keep me lit." Then Peace's flame slowly
diminishes and goes out completely.

The second candle says, "I Am Faith, but these days, I am
no longer indispensable." Then Faith's flame slowly
diminishes and goes out completely.

Sadly the third candle spoke, "I Am Love and I haven't the
strength to stay lit any longer."
"People put me aside and don't understand my
importance. They even forget to love those who are
nearest to them." And waiting no longer, Love goes out
completely.

Suddenly...A child enters the room and sees the three
candles no longer burning. The child begins to cry, "Why
are you not burning? You are supposed to stay lit until the
end."

Then the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the little boy,
"Don't be afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we
can re-light the other candles."

With Shining eyes the child took the Candle of Hope and
lit the other three candles.

Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life.
With Hope, no matter how bad things look and
are...Peace, Faith and Love can Shine Brightly in our lives.

This poem is a good reminder to me to keep the hope filled within myself. There are some days it's pretty windy and that wind can easily make those flames flicker or completely put the candles out inside of me. I'm grateful I believe in hope to help carry me through those tough moments and help give me the courage to make it through until all those candles are shining brightly again.

Day 8: Movement

I had a picture picked out for today; however, after chatting with a dear friend I decided to take the idea of movement in a new direction. We are moving our office location next week. Therefore, today and tomorrow we are finalizing details to make the transition to a new location. New address, new phone number, and new office space layout. The photo above is just a small portion of the boxes we have packed and ready for the movers. Wow, it's been a little crazy!

All this change is for the best. Our organization is growing and moving forward one step at a time to help others.

I'm grateful today for the action of movement in growth around me and within myself. I've been working on Step 9 for a while now. I was sharing with my sponsor one of my recent activities of going through my Grandpa's old foot locker which his mother, my Great-Grandmother, painted for me. I mentioned this a few days ago in my Day 5 post. I store many of my letter, cards, and notes in this foot locker. I started this little tradition when I was younger and had many pen pals all over the US. Then it evolved into pretty much every letter or card I've received or journal entry I've written has made it's way into the locker.

I was working on an amends letter to a friend from the past and I was in search of a card/letter this person gave me years ago when we sort of had a falling out of our friendship. I am grateful for my sponsor that I can share my everyday activities and how she can reflect and share what she sees. I had several days off this week and was on a mission to find that card/letter. I don't remember exactly what the card/letter said, but it was sort of an apology but more of I'm sorry our friendship had to take this path. I was angry with the situation that happened. More accurately, I was spitting mad. Looking back it makes me sad that I allowed so much anger to take over my life. I perceived a situation a specific way and allowed it to control my life. I felt betrayed. Hurt. I found many journal entries from myself and letters from different individuals that you could feel the pain dripping off the pages. Today I can see and feel that past immaturity that plagued my days. I'm regretful that I wasn't able to be completely grateful for those that were around me, as they were amazing people and I know on some level, I was grateful. I'm just not sure I showed each of them how grateful I was for them. I am happy today that I'm working through that wreckage and am feeling more at peace with each small piece of that entire situation. I've come to peace with the situation that occurred that was very painful for me. This individual is sort of back in my life and I'm grateful for that. Someday, I want to read my letter to this wonderful friend. I felt at peace after I wrote the amends letter.

My sponsor also shared that she felt it was a power thing to work through all those letters in the foot locker and clear the path of the wreckage of my past. What a wonderful way to walk my amends. I have worked hard to work through the wreckage from the past and create a clear path for myself to move forward in a healthier direction for my sanity and serenity.

While working through my amends to myself and coming to peace with situations from the past that I've hung onto for all these years. My foot locker exercise was a huge step in letting go of the pain and hurt that I've clung onto for so many years. The true gift is to be able to hand it over to my H.P. It's rewarding to see my everyday life benefit from me working the steps of Al-Anon.

Day 7: Hands

I'd like to introduce a variety of amazing and courageous woman that 

I'm grateful to know and love.

Day 6: Animals

These photos are from my birthday several years ago spent at the local Wildlife Zoo with my family and friends. I remember this birthday being one of my favorites. It was a beautiful day in December and all the wildlife was out being active and enjoying the beautiful day.

Monkeys are my favorite to sit and watch for hours. However, I wasn't able to capture any great photos of the monkeys that day.

I noticed when I share my story, I hardly ever mention the piece that I played the Matyr role for a long time. I thrived on the attention and pity from others. This role caused me to not take responsibility for my actions and to be affected by anything and everything that occurred around me! Those pity parties were abundant both by myself as well in the presence of anyone that would sit still long enough for me to share my sorrows and complaining of how rough my life was. I'm grateful those friends and family stuck by my side as I walked that part of my journey! Looking back it appears I enjoyed bathing in my own pain. That might have worked to help me survive then, but it's not worth the price today. Life is to beautiful and I don't want to miss a single wonderful opportunity that may become available to me through my spiritual growth.

"... the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances."  Martha Washington

Day 5: Something Old

1940 Westinghouse Radio in Rock Springs Cafe

This past weekend, I mentioned I went to the Area (State) Al-Anon Convention. The more I reflect on the whirl wind weekend, the more it makes me smile. I'm sincerely grateful for the friendships I've made through Al-Anon. My Higher Power has truly given me a gift with each of their friendships.

On our way to the convention I recommended we stop and eat at one of the local hot spots to stop and eat on the way. I can remember stopping at the Rock Springs Cafe as a kid once a month when we would head up the hill to a chiropractor my Dad went too for years. That chiropractor gave my Dad's life back to him many years ago. My Dad is able to walk because of that chiropractor that believed in my Dad. A beautiful miracle. Anyhow, I veer off into a different direction! This cafe is very old fashion with an old Saloon next door. They make some of the most AMAZING pies that border line the Best Pies in the world. You can find them online if you want to order some delicious pies. I recommend the chocolate silk. Or any of the apple pies. We had a scrumptious lunch with a slice of pie we all shared. I believe our stop qualified for the Something Old suggestion.

I had a full, but good day off today. It was productive in many ways and also forcing me to let go in others. As I work on more of my Step 9, I was in search of an old letter that was given to me that I have hung onto over the years. However, after several hours of searching, I did not find the letter. Normally this would drive me insane, as I know I have that letter in the footlocker I keep all of my past letters/cards. Today I'm making the choice to let it go. How important is it? In the bigger picture, it's not. I'm not sure of the exact reason, but I know there is a reason my H.P. decided I did not find that letter today. Instead, I found many other wonderful letters and cards I've keep over the years. When I was younger, before the Internet, I had many "pen pals" that I would write letters back and forth with. In fact, I created wonderful friendship with several of them and even went to visit a couple of them in other states. It was fun to look back at those letters and remember wonderful memories of old friends that I haven't thought of for a long time. I did grieve a little bit that I haven't been in touch with any of these old friends for many, many years. In fact, I don't know where they would even be today. However, then I was able to hand it over to my H.P. and be comforted that perhaps that was the short time we were both suppose to be in each other lives. Each of them certainly touched my life in a wonderful way and I will forever be grateful for their friendship.

I also found some old letters that I wrote and from others that were not as wonderful for one reason or another. My overall reaction was fascinating to me. I first thought to myself, why did I hang onto that crap? Then I was grateful that I did, it was helpful to remember where I came from and to look back at how my thought process functioned. Also to reflect on just a few of the letters from other individuals that were not kind. Realizing, with gratitude those unkind individuals are not in my life what-so-ever today. That made me smile. I'm grateful they served their purpose in my journey; to help me realize who I am, what I'm responsible for, the boundaries I need to set to help keep my sanity, and most importantly what type of people I don't need in my life.

As I mentioned, it was a full day. Many little spiritual things happened through out the day. I was reminded briefly how alcoholism is a cunning and baffling disease that will continue to progress. The disease attempted to rear it's ugly head today and attempted to trigger my disease of attitude; however, grateful I was fully aware as soon as it attempted to push my  buttons. I calmly stated my truth and did not engage. Next, I silently said the serenity prayer. Took a deep breath. Then I smiled thinking, this too shall pass. It took maybe half an hour, but that ugly monster went back into it's dark cave to lurk. No argument. I didn't get angry and I was able to patiently wait for this to pass. I felt a new found calmness through this situation today that really helped me find peace. I was very proud of the maturity that showed up today! I'm grateful for that miracle. The potential direction that conversation could have gone and has gone in the past, would not have been good. Miracles at work when I can apply the tools.

"As I walk, As I walk, The universe is walking with me."  ... from the Navajo rain dance ceremony.