Don't Romanticize Life

I had an amazing weekend! A bunch of the amazing gals I workout with at the gym, we all signed up for one of the local 5K mud runs. What a blast!! Getting a great workout, getting dirty, and hanging out with great friends! I also got to spend sometime with a friend, who I am still trying to figure out what will come of it. That preciously is probably my obstacle, STOP trying to figure it out and just enjoy. I keep telling myself that, and all is well. Until I start thinking again. I will keep practicing and reminding myself to not push the river, all will work out exactly the way it is supposed too, whether that is how I envisioned it or not! **smile**

In addition to all that, I also got to meet up with a couple of friends that mean a lot to me, but just don't get to see these amazing ladies very often. I made it a point to carve sometime out to catch up with these ladies. Always filled my soul with gratitude to truly spend quality time with friends that mean the world to me.

Tonight, I couldn't make my normal weight lifting training, but that didn't stop me from still having an awesome, cardio, fat burning workout tonight! The weather outside could not have been more perfect! I am beyond grateful for living in my state.

I was about to head off to bed, but noticed one of my favorite bloggers posted a list of items I should be able to say about my life. This blogger focuses on life lessons and usually puts the thoughts and concepts into lists. So I naturally levitate towards those posts, because I love my lists!! One of the items on the recent post, REALLY hit home with me.

Here is the exact quote:
"I don’t need anyone else to complete me. – There’s far more to life than finding someone who will want you, or getting upset over someone who won’t.  There’s a lot of important time to be spent discovering yourself without begging someone to fall in love with you along the way… and this journey doesn’t need to be empty or painful.  YOU need to fill yourself up with love – self-love – first.  Become a whole being on your own.  Go on adventures, explore your passions, wander around the city and see new sights, sit in coffee shops and read, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others who can’t pay you back, smile and have fun.  Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without someone giving it to you every second.  You can.  And once you give it to yourself, you will feel healed, and you will ultimately open yourself up to the possibility of healthy relationships with others."

I love this. "...Don't romanticize life..." I have realized through my recovery and discovery, I struggle with this a lot. In the past I would dive right into a romanticized fantasy of how my marriage should have been. Guess what, I was disappointed every damn time, year after year. I have to be realistic. It has to begin with me. I have to fill myself with love, respect, kindness, support, and adventure! I also have to be realistic about who I am. I am a passionate, caring, and sentimental person. Yes I can have fun, joke, and participate in shenanigans. In fact, that is how my family functions, and I love ever bit of it. In fact, many of my friends function in that manner. I assume I attract that type of person, because of the love I have for my family. I am ok with that. But on the flip side, I also have to recognize, and be proud, that a big part of me is also nurturing, loving, caring, sentimental, believing in the good, and loving with all my heart. Finding a balance of both entities, and finding others that will accept and help me nuture both sides of the coin, that is the path I walk today. Let the journey of practicing that balance continue! Not sure I completely expressed my inner thoughts on this topic, but will pray about it and share more later as it is revealed. There are more layers to discover. I am grateful for today and life is truly amazing!

Ending 2014 in Pure Bliss!

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on 2014. Wow, what an epic year! I am very proud of the choices and actions I took to improve my outlook on life. Also the daily steps I took toward happiness, without turning back to the lagoon of anger, fear, guilt, and shame that tried to swallow and take me back. 

As I wrote out my list for 2014, I was blown away at what occurred in only 365 days.

I walked through several fires and was able to make a decision to not stop or hesitate. Or look back, I think that was a big step for me. A miracle to take the time to evaluate my options and then take a leap of faith! I am doing the best for me. The consequences of my leaping will be exactly what I need to live.

I am absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up over the year and my hard work allowed me to take the power back and start living my life to the fullest! Versus trying to live and fit into someone else's life. I know some people don't believe everything happens for a reason. However, I do believe. The ripple affect of my thoughts and actions affect the energy force around me. I have lived, learned, and experienced, in 2014, how to shift my daily perspective to more positive and open minded thoughts of myself and those around me. This has revealed miracles beyond my imagination.

Looking back years, such as 10 or 13 years ago, I think of some of the choices I made it makes me shutter! However, I pause to reflect some of those decisions and steps I took helped build the foundation of who I am today. Some of those decisions, whether I thought right or wrong, were planted in the dirt and today I am starting to see some of the plants sprouting that have been doormat for years. What a beautiful miracle.

I am grateful that certain things didn't work out the way I had once wanted them too. Letting go of the fantasy I desperately wanted to live and breath. The desire to live in a fantasy always poisoned my reality. It is ok for me to dream and strive for better and new things. I feel that is extremely different than striving for an unrealistic fantasy drenched with expectations.

When I share my story, I have found that my perspective has become quite positive and I work really hard to live in the moment; therefore, I forget a lot of the details of my life that helped me get to this point. I am beyond grateful for my journalling and blogging, to help remind me of my journey, step by step.

Blast to the past, I had to find the awareness to start healing from the inside before I could see the outside world, 2011 reflecting. Then in true fashion I always have to over do it before I find my balance. I explain in my reflection of 2012. Then I took the roller coaster into the next year, 2013.

I am looking forward to 2015 and all the wonderful things to come!! A few people have asked what I want 2015 to look like or what I want to accomplish. I have a few key items I want to focus on, but mainly I want to keep doing what I am doing today. Living in the moment and filling my time and thoughts with those that I love, make me laugh, fill me with happiness, and love me for me. Everything else that comes along will fall into place if I focus on those items in my relationships. Also, I am finding when I take care of my needs in those area, I can give back to those around me ten fold! I will also continue to remind myself to take a deep breath, and admire the world around me and relish is all of it's beauty.

Happy New Year! I hope each day is filled with joy, laughter, and happiness for you!

Keeping it Simple

As some of you noticed my post yesterday was very simple! I was giving my blogger app another chance and typed out a post on my phone. I suppose those words were not meant to be and the message to myself was keep it simple. That's ok, it is a good reminder as I have been running a hundred miles an hour this week and feeling the stress level rising. So time to take a deep breath and be in the moment. My forever long to do list will get done, or it won't.

I did hear a new song on the radio this week. Taste of Country website describes this song, "A powerful ballad sung with raw honesty and heartbreaking soul". It was a very heartfelt song, that as I listened to the words I could hear H singing the words. How do I know I am healing? I was able to hear the words and have deep compassion for my dear friend, without shedding a tear. I hear the sadness in H's voice when we talk on the phone. But I have to remember, he made choices and so did I, we have to live with those and move forward. I see a positive future for H and myself, although on separate paths. I am moving on with peace in my heart and excited about the doors of opportunity I am opening with the key of happiness I am finally able to let loose!

Haven't heard the song? Jake Owen's "What We Ain't Got".

Eerie calmness

I came across the reading below online this morning as I wait for my ride. It is appropriate for me today, really everyday, but particularly this morning. Today is an extremely exciting day for me, yet H has a knack for letting me down. Or in more honestly, that is just my expectations letting me down. H is just being who he knows to be. Dealing with his "stuff" on his own terms in his own ways. I am becoming more and more ok with that. That steady eerie peace of acceptance. I am grateful for the calmness, but it also brings a layer of new sadness. However, on the flip side with that sadness is also a layer of relief which releases that judgment, criticism or condemnation towards H of not being what I felt I needed him to be or want him to be. I am getting there, one step at a time. 

Right? or Left?

Good advice. I always have a choice.

Gentle Reminder

I stumbled across this blog today with the beautiful reminder below. Exactly what I needed to read today.

You are strong…
when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave…
when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.…
You are happy…
when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving…
when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise…
when you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true…
when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive…
when tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistake.

You are growing…
when you know what you are but not what you will become.

You are free…
when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable…
when you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous…
when you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble…
when you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful…
when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful…
when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful…
when you don’t need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich…
when you never need more than what you have.

You are you…
when you are at peace with who you are not.

I have learned...

Good Morning! I was taking a moment to find my balance this morning before starting my day. I came across the quote below on the Words of Wisdom website.

I have learned....
I came alone and I have to go
alone....
I learned....
People are with you when they
need you.... Not Otherwise....
I learned....
Extra care of anyone by you will
ultimately bring a blame to your
ownself.....Not Appreciation... .
I learned....
A simple Lie of your close one can break
you more than anything...
I learned....
Its very hard to weep alone when there is
no shoulder to support you....
I learned....
Help people but not up to the
point beyond your dignity....
Ultimately, I learned....
Love yourself and Love people but only if
you can do it without
EXPECTATIONS... !!!

If this corral could talk... the stories we would hear...

Have a wonderful and balanced day my friends!