Beautiful Friday

Playing with the settings on my camera with this beautiful rose

I'm taking a break and walking away from my readings and attempt to write an amends letter to myself. I realize that sounds bizarre. But I've been working on Step Eight with my sponsor and came to a really good place of willingness to make amends. So, now taking the next step to Step Nine of making those amends. I didn't have a long list of those I felt I needed to make amends. I'm not sure if that means more might come up later in my recovery or if I truly did inflict the most harm to myself. I did chose to put my H.P. at the top of the list; however, my sponsor asked me to write a love letter to myself. I thought, oh that should be pretty easy! To be honest, I'm having a tough time with keeping the focus on me.  As I write the letter, I just start crying. I suppose it's part of a cleansing process. I can't put my finger on what is exactly difficult or causing me to cry. I will pray on it and get some rest. Tomorrow is another day and I can explore more than.

I did find some courage and peace in the following quote.

"There is no growth without pain 

(pain in not optional), so hurt a little bit.

There is no laughter without tears, so cry
often (don't be ashamed to cry, for if you don't,
you will be ever secure but always lonely.)

There is no peace without first knowing turmoil
in the soul (so be at war with yourself
sometimes.)

There is no grace without first wrestling with guilt.
If you're wrestling, let God's grace engulf you and
give you new life."

While working through these layers, I won't forget to enjoy this beautiful night! The moon is gorgeous, I'm looking forward to seeing what it has to offer tomorrow night!