Enlightening

We have had storms rolling through the valley on and off for the last week or so. I was able to capture some of the lightening that was showing off not far from where I'm staying. Although the storm was heading the opposite direction and we didn't get any rain, it was still gorgeous!

I had a great day at work today! I had some training that helped put some more pieces of the puzzle together for me. Now I'm looking forward to applying what I've learned!

I realize I share a lot from Courage to Change, but I find a lot of strength, courage, and hope from the writings in this book that have helped inspire a lot of my recovery. In fact, as I've shared a few times I feel like each of the readings were written specifically for me! Each reading also seems to be exactly what I needed to read at that moment. I'm also fascinated that I can read the same reading I read a year ago, and receive a different message from the same words. How is that possible, you might ask? Well, I'm simply in a different place today than I was a year ago. My perspective has changed and most likely I have some new tools to work with to help me continue to see and appreciate life in a new light. This was also the first life saving piece of literature I bought when I first walked into the rooms of Al-Anon. I honestly don't remember ever reading the reading from today, August 20th. I don't have any notes or scribbles on the page. Perhaps I've never read this page and it was saved for me for today, over three years after I bought the book. Perhaps it wouldn't have meant anything to me until today.
A billboard in my town reads, "Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink. Some come to gargle." My pre-Al-Anon self would have chuckled at this message, but I would have felt some anxiety about whether I was a drinker or a gargler. Life was either black or white, and in order to feel comfortable, I had to know which extreme applied. But whichever label I pinned on myself would leave me feeling wrong, so I would scramble to fix myself.

Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I accept more easily the thought that sometimes I drink, sometimes I gargle, and sometimes I stub my toe on the fountain as I stumble by. I don't have to do better or differently. The best that I can do is good enough. I can relax and enjoy the joke.

Today's Reminder
Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself.  When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am, life will feel a lot more gentle.
"Sometimes we try so hard that we fail to see that the light we are seeking is within us." As We Understood...

I can remember feeling the pressure of trying to label myself. It was never good enough and always trying to do better, but only to the detriment of my sanity. Then trying to label my marriage. Then trying to fix anything and everything that wasn't fitting the picture I had envisioned for us and the vision that those around us expected! Let me tell you, it was like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Ridiculous! I personally feel I have come a long way in feeling comfortable that I don't have to fit into a cookie cutter label that society or those around me are trying to put me and/or my marriage into. That includes myself. Instead, I can work to feel comfortable with who I am today. Accept that my marriage is exactly the way it is suppose to be today. It is ok that I don't see the world in black and white, I have many shades of gray in my world. However, I can respect that H choices to see the world in black and white. Today I can see and enjoy the humor in life. I can even laugh at myself when I do stub my toe, which I do quite often. It's been quite the journey seeking the light and learning how to find it within. I look forward to more exploration!