This morning, the pups and I had the house to ourselves. It was very peaceful and quiet. I decided I was going to have one last Starbucks treat..... for 2013. *wink* Sit outside to listen to the birds and the service man and woman fly the jets over for training. We live near an air force base and grateful for all of their service.
Reviewing the entire year, I find that a bit overwhelming. So
I’ll just share what is on my mind today. Reflecting I have always been a
multi-tasker, then times that by 4, and that was my life. I know now one of the
reasons I keep myself busy was to try to numb and hide the pain, anger, fear,
and loneliness I felt of being in a relationship with someone that admits they
are an active alcoholic. I am always busy, but today I focus on keeping that
energy positive as much as positive and do things that I enjoy and bring me
joy. Sometimes I have to do things I don’t want to do or don’t enjoy, but it is
because I choose to make the choice and know I don’t have to do it for a life
time anymore.
Honestly it was a blessed year. I am beyond grateful for all I have today. I have my amazing and supportive family, my dear friends both in and out of the program, my dogs that show me unconditional love, a job that allows me to grow my skills, and I have H, who loves me unconditionally in his own way. In the mist of all my gratitude, this year has been filled with roller coasters of all sizes and twists. I worked through some new layers of my past that intertwined with what is going on today. Then it is tough to not tie all that into the wreckage of the future! Everyday it is an effort to find that balance of what I am grateful for and the daily “things” I am faced with. Reflecting yesterday with a dear friend I realized all I can do is live in today and work to get through each day one day at a time. Most importantly to work to keep the focus on myself and not on anyone else, this new perspective of realizing what I can and cannot control helps me to work through the rough patches. Although in honest reality, I still jump on that roller coaster here and there. There are certain parts of my life I have done really well with stepping away from the ride, and even walking out of the amusement park! This helps me make good choices to not react and take the bait. However, there are other areas of my life that I’m still standing in line to ride the roller coaster. Someday, I will work to get out of that line and stop riding it. But that is part of my journey.
Honestly it was a blessed year. I am beyond grateful for all I have today. I have my amazing and supportive family, my dear friends both in and out of the program, my dogs that show me unconditional love, a job that allows me to grow my skills, and I have H, who loves me unconditionally in his own way. In the mist of all my gratitude, this year has been filled with roller coasters of all sizes and twists. I worked through some new layers of my past that intertwined with what is going on today. Then it is tough to not tie all that into the wreckage of the future! Everyday it is an effort to find that balance of what I am grateful for and the daily “things” I am faced with. Reflecting yesterday with a dear friend I realized all I can do is live in today and work to get through each day one day at a time. Most importantly to work to keep the focus on myself and not on anyone else, this new perspective of realizing what I can and cannot control helps me to work through the rough patches. Although in honest reality, I still jump on that roller coaster here and there. There are certain parts of my life I have done really well with stepping away from the ride, and even walking out of the amusement park! This helps me make good choices to not react and take the bait. However, there are other areas of my life that I’m still standing in line to ride the roller coaster. Someday, I will work to get out of that line and stop riding it. But that is part of my journey.
I realized this morning as I sat and enjoyed my treat I have
to remember to give myself credit. I am a strong person. I have lots of
courage. I know I am my worst critic and need to stop being so hard on myself.
I am walking a more successful journey that brings me more happiness and love
daily from within my own heart and soul. I continue to hear and read from
others that our own happiness and peaceful soul shine from within. When that
light is bright, it will show to others without me even realizing it is shining
through each day.
The tools I continue to learn through the Al-Anon program, the meetings, the literature, my sponsor, and my sponsees help me continue to work towards being a better person. I have truly experience that I can’t keep it if I don’t give it away. Everything is also helping me realize I am a unique individual and need to be accepting of who I am today.
The tools I continue to learn through the Al-Anon program, the meetings, the literature, my sponsor, and my sponsees help me continue to work towards being a better person. I have truly experience that I can’t keep it if I don’t give it away. Everything is also helping me realize I am a unique individual and need to be accepting of who I am today.
As December 31st reading in ODAT shares, “If I have regrets for errors or omissions, I will dismiss them. The new year which lies before me has no time for futile regrets. I will live just one day at a time, making each one better than the last, as I grow in confidence and faith.
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