A New Chapter

Wow, yesterday was quite the day! Where do I begin?! First, I survived, barely. I started the day working hard to keep my nerves calm and my mind quiet. I knew it was going to be a day I needed to be gentle with myself. When faced with a tough and difficult decision, in the past I would of avoided the situation at all cost and danced around it as long as possible to avoid the fear of making the tough decision to move forward or not, facing the possibility of rejection or out lash of someone else not agreeing with my decision, or fearing that I was making the right decision, if I didn't make a decision I didn't have to worry about the results of my decision. Clear as mud, right? This fear would simply paralyze me. I lived in that fear bubble far to long. Yesterday I summoned up the courage to do the right thing for me and my career. That action was to respectfully resign from my current position. I had a professional letter prepared and met with my boss, who I will call D, right before lunch. I genuinely appreciate the opportunities I was provided at this organization. In addition, I am grateful that I was able to find work so quickly after being laid off over two years ago during a tough time in our society. However, there were some daily challenges with D that I had to really work my program to get through each day. There were many, many opportunities for me to look in the mirror and learn something about myself when interacting with D.

After reflecting and looking back at the last two years and two months I've worked at my employer, I've experienced and learned a lot in a short time. Here are some examples; I've gained some invaluable work experience, I've learned how to apply professional and personal boundaries in the work place, I've learned what kind of person not to be, I've learned that if I ever decide to go into a management position I will not lead based on fear, I'm grateful for the friendships I've created and I will cherish these amazing ladies that will continue to be in my life, I reconfirmed that I am not a cold and uncaring person but undoubtedly a genuine and caring person about those around me (whether I like you or not), that despite my preparation I can still be blown away and affected by another person's inappropriate reactions to a situation (but I have a choice to not own that inappropriate and unacceptable behavior of that other person and let it go), I learned that no matter how amazing your co-workers are and no matter how much they supported me, unless my manager respects and recognizes my hard work I will not have the opportunity grow within my position or the organization.

The day ended that I would not be working the next two weeks and yesterday would be my final day. I admit, I didn't see that coming. I'm a bit shocked I didn't anticipate that reaction. I had been mentally preparing myself that I would be working hard for the next two weeks to help make the transition go smoothly to help the other ladies in the office. However, I was denied that opportunity. It saddens me that D felt that it was the best practice to let me go immediately. I made sure to inform D, that I hope she knew that I had more integrity and professionalism to work hard for the next two weeks to benefit the organization and not sabotage it. The ridiculous thought process that I would sabotage the organization is absurd. That is just not in my character. If you don't know that, then you don't know me. I believe that simply because the decision for me to leave was not on D's terms, this was the back lash. Fine. Fine. Honestly, I believe it truly is going to be a blessing in disguise for me to have the next couple of weeks off to help clear my mind for my new chapter in my life. In my opinion, D sabotaged the organization with the decision to let me go yesterday.

As the quote I previously posted by Sir WiIlliam Osler said, "...In danger, in adversity, cling to your principles and ideals."

I clung to my principles and ideals yesterday through each tough moment. The serenity prayer was on my mind all day! I was able to walk each difficult situation with grace, poise, professionalism, and dignity. I feel that I was able to be the bigger person and although I was upset by D's reactions, again, I didn't have to own her petty and ridiculous reactions to a professional situation. I was respectfully and professional, and that's all I can do. A piece of me is sad at how broken this individual is to react in such a petty way. However, I have to remind myself I can't change it, I didn't cause it, and I can't cure it! Therefore, I made the choice to move on with my life and career to ensure that I can continue to keep my sanity and serenity on a daily bases. What a relief to find, and apply, that courage and strength to walk across the broken glass for a day. It was worth it! I feel lighter and relieved to be on the other side.

The other piece of this situation that was plaguing my mind, was if H was going to be upset. Why I still insist on projecting in this department, I will never know. I have to continue to work on that everyday. I must say after having a conversation with H, I was relieved with his support and love with the entire situation.

Today was an amazing day! I woke up with the pups I'm house sitting all snuggled against me. The three of us actually slept in! I hardly ever get to sleep in, so that was a nice start to the day. I had mapped out last night two Al-Anon meetings for today! One was a new one that I've never attended and the second one I've been to several times. The first meeting topic was "Where am I today?" It was a small but amazing meeting! I really felt the power of this program and my Higher Power at work for me to hear exactly what I need to hear today. I'm in a good place today and I'm grateful for each experience, good and bad, that have occurred that helped me be who I am today. I felt at peace after the meeting and sat in my car deciding what the next step in my day was going to be. I couldn't decide, so I just started to drive and ended up at the local nail place I like to go too. I ended up being the only person in the entire shop, so the gal that was doing my pedicure and I laughed and joked the entire time. I had so much fun! Plus, pedicures have become one of my favorite past times. The best part I wasn't watching the time and when I was done heading out the door, I noticed that I had just enough time to make it to the second meeting I had planned for the day! The topic for that meeting was Self-Esteem. After listening to everyone share, I realized that yesterday was evidence of my growth not only in my recovery as a whole but in building my self-esteem! I am gradually learning how to live my life with poise and serenity around each corner.

I will be starting the next chapter in my life on Monday, August 13th! I'm looking forward to the new position, new team, new organization, and working for a dear wonderful friend again! Lots of change on the horizon, but I'm ready and willing! I'm grateful that the past is the past, and I don't have to worry about the future, as I'm living today in the present.