Tea Time

One of my favorite moments of the day is right now. My husband is asleep and resting. I'm curled up in the recliner with my laptop, sipping my "sleep time" tea with a little raw honey stirred in. With the puppies laying next to me and who occasionally glance at me with the look, "Are we going to bed yet?" It's a good relaxing time for me to reflect on the day.

It was a busy day, but good. I love being home. The wind is blowing like crazy outside! I believe there is a little system blowing through, but I haven't seen any clouds, just a lot of wind.

I didn't have any aha moments today. Which is ok. However, I did enjoy the daily reading in Courage to Change.

"We all make mistakes. But hopefully, as we apply Al-Anon program and continue to grow in self-awareness, we will learn from those mistakes. Amends can be made for any harm we've done, ad we can change our behavior and attitudes so that we won't repeat the same errors. Thus, even painful past experiences can help us learn to create a better future.

The greatest obstacle to this learning process is shame. Shame is an excuse to hate ourselves today for something we did or didn't do in the past. There is no room in a shame-filled mind for the fact that we did our best at the time, no room to accept that as human beings we are bound to make mistakes.

If I feel ashamed, I need a reality check because my thinking is probably distorted. Even though it may take great courage, if I share about it with an Al-Anon friend, I will interrupt the self-destructive thoughts and make room for a more loving and nurturing point of view. With a little help, I may discover that even my most embarrassing moments can bless my life by teaching me to turn in a more positive direction.

Today's Reminder: Today I will love myself enough to recognize shame as an error in judgement.

"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross"

I find it extremely comforting to read these books everyday. They help me tremendously to take what's in my head and continue to sort and organize the thoughts and memories that still need to be twisted and turned to fit into the puzzle I am working on. For me I believe it is key to have the self-awareness and willingness to accept when I've made a mistake or was in the wrong. Then to find the courage to make the amend. I didn't necessarily realize, until I read the reading today that I did, and still do, have a little shame that lingers for past actions I've done. I find that shame tends to rear it's ugly head, and until today didn't necessarily have a name, when I start to ponder and fret about the things I did not do. Today, I find it is easier for me to let go of mistakes that I've actually done, made amends to myself and others and then I can generally move on. However, those things or actions that I didn't take because of various reasons, such as fear or to busy meddling in someone else's business, those are the pieces of the puzzle that I hold in my tight fist and beat myself up with shame! 

Perhaps I have some "actions" to take! If I fail or it doesn't work out, it appears that I'm easier on myself when I at least try. Instead of beating myself up later for not even taking that step! Maybe I typed an error and I am having an aha moment tonight.

My amazing tea is gone and I need to get to bed as I have Bootcamp dark and early. So I will sleep on this thought, and pray on it. I'll just keep working on the power of unconditional love and practicing the concept of applying it, to others and myself. 

Good night!