Illusion of Control

Illusion of Control

Had a great workout this morning! I'm grateful that I have the strength to get up WAY before the crack of dawn to workout with a great group of ladies! Before I head to work I wanted to share a little of what the reading in Courage to Change sparked in me today. Control was the topic. It made me laugh a little, as lately this character defects keeps trying to rear it's ugly head.

Now that I'm aware of some of the actions I take in attempt to try to control and manipulate different situations around me, whether it's in my personal life or professional life, it is a little bit more manageable to step back and really check myself. As the reading says, "The first thing that had to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work... Instead, I admitted that I am powerless over others. Then I had to begin to put away the 'lookin' good' facade in order to share my feelings at meetings." I not only had to shed that "lookin' good" facade at meetings, but in my everyday life. Last weekend was really awesome and I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my husband. When we spend a lot of time together my illusion of control tries to seep into our quality time. Lately, an interesting dynamic has been happening between us. I unconsciously change my body language and the way I respond when he does something that I don't necessarily like or approve. Doesn't matter how mundane or over the top crazy it is. I do recognize that I've come a long way and I am aware of a lot of my unacceptable behaviors of where I need to keep the focus on myself. However, as I mentioned, it does seep through here and there. So my husband has been responding lately with a response, "I feel like I'm being punished". It is such a simple saying, but boy does it get my attention! I instantly realize my illusion of trying to control the situation has started to take over. It's been good, I can take a deep breath and apologize for my actions, but still have a conversation if there is any unacceptable behavior he might be doing. It has been an amazing and healthy interaction. Courage to Change continues to say, "Becoming more human has been difficult and frightening at times, but being more genuine allows me to have a real relationship, real communication, and real happiness." It is truly a blessing to live a "real" life and not an illusion.

As Today's Reminder states, "Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image. All I have to do is be me. As I surrendered my imaginary power over others, I gained a more realistic view of my own life."

Have a wonderful day my friends!